Day 3 - R1/VLCD1

 Ok, so the amount of time I've spent going to and from the bathroom today probably equals a pretty decent amount on the treadmill! I have had to pee so much! And that's a good thing.

I just recently tried cucumber water and let me tell you, it is very yummy. There are many different recipes, but I just peel and slice half a cucumber and put in 2 quarts of water. It take a couple hours at least to get the flavor into the water. I've had it after the cucumbers were in it all night and it's still good, not too cucumber-y.

So today was my first day of very low calorie. By "very low calorie" I mean 500 calories. If you'd like to read more, I'd check out this link. It has a lot of good info.

I did go off plan a bit by having snow peas as my veggie tonight. I did not want them to go to waste. In hindsight, I should have waited to start until I was better prepared, but hindsight is 20/20. It is what it is. I'm not terribly worried about my veggie choices as long as they are not starchy. Maybe following this plan so "loosely" will kick me in the butt, but I can't be a fanatic or I will fail.

So my food for today was:


lunch: smoothie w/almond milk, 3/4 cup blueberries, 2 cups fresh spinach, protein powder
Dinner: 100 grams chicken breast w/2 cups snow peas, apple

Calories: 491
Water: 120oz.

Morning weight: 282.4

My back is hurting less today. That's good. R1/VLCD1 done! (round 1/very low calorie day 1)

Day 2 - last loading day

Tomorrow I start my 42 days of VLC. To say I'm not nervous would be lying. I have failed so often in the past and am so scared this time will be no different. The thing is, it HAS to be different. I can't keep going like this.

For my 2nd and last day of loading, I chose another favorite food - pizza and wings for my dinner. It was as delicious as I had hoped it would be.

I have decided that I am going to switch up the VLC plan a bit and see how it goes. The last time I did hcg, I found myself very bored very quickly. I also did not enjoy cooking every single meal. I am going to have a smoothie for one meal for the 1st week to see how it goes. I will still get my protein, veggie and fruit so it should be ok. I really love my smoothies and I don't want to give them up if I don't have to. Of course, if I don't see progress the first week, I will cut them out. So we shall see.

My fibromyalgia is kicking my butt lately. Last week, I was going through cleaning sprees and I don't know if that's what's still affecting me or what. My back is so sore. Standing at the sink even for a few minutes is torture. It's hard to sleep or do much of anything. My knee and neck are aching pretty bad as well. I hope it lets up soon.

My weight this morning was up as I thought it would be. I was at 281.4. I'm sure it'll be up tomorrow though. Hopefully, I'll be seeing those numbers drop very soon.

Another day down. 

Day 1 - Again...

In the last few days, I have seen a number on the scale that I never saw before. That scares the $h!t outta me! I'm closing in on 300 pounds and do not like it one bit. I struggle with simple daily tasks like putting on my shoes or getting dressed. I could write a whole blog on things that are difficult for me, but what purpose would that serve? Absolutely none. The bottom line is that I HAVE to change. Thee are no excuses. I just have to do this.

Quite honestly, I have been thinking of weight loss surgery. I think about it probably every single day. I printed the papers for the clinic in my area. I even filled them out. Then I threw them away. I am not ready to give up the hope I can do this without such drastic measures. I see people who have had the surgery and they struggle so much with stomach issues and what not to eat/what to eat and I just do not want to live that way. I want to be in control. So here I am, giving this another go.

I know there is a lot of controversy about hcg, but it did work for me in the past and I'm doing it again. I feel like I need to have fast results to be successful. Going slow is so discouraging and I have SO far to go. I won't use it forever. Heck, this might be the only round but I'm going to give it my all. I know the risks. I'm not uninformed. It's okay.

So today was my first 'loading day' where you are basically told to eat what you want. The idea behind 'loading' days is to store some fat and calories for the 1st couple days of 'VLC' or Very Low Calorie days.

I made Chicken Divan because it is rather fatty and loaded with calories. It's one of my favorite dishes too, so I figured I'd have it before going VLC for 40+ days.

My starting weight was 284 this am. Yep, the highest I've ever been. I expect to see an even higher number tomorrow and Wednesday but that's good for loading days. I thought of starting out VLC but decided I do way to many things half-assed. I need to do this the right way.

Wish me success!

$%^&@#$%$

See that title? That's exactly how I feel. Why can't I just get my frickin' head in the game? What is so wrong with me? Seriously, this is MY life and I can't get my act together. I am truly scared. How do you make yourself do it when you have absolutely no willpower? Help me!

I don't want to be this way. I don't want to struggle like I do. I don't want to be ashamed of my body. I want to love me.

Goals: Week 2/17 - 2/24

I did pretty good with my goals last week. I could have done better with my water, but it was much better than before. Progress is progress, no matter how small.

I lost 3.4 pounds this week. I'm very happy with that. That's 5.8 pounds since getting back on track. Headed in the right direction! Woohoo!

Now I need to set some goals for this week. I think I'll keep last weeks goals and add to them.

Water! I need at least 100 oz a day.

Vitamins. Vit D, B-12, multivitamin. Every day.

Tracking. Track my food and water.

Added to this week:

Get my over-sized buttocks on my treadmill. At least 2 times this week.

Eat more fruits and veggies. Eat less grains.

2/15/13 - Good day

I'm proud of myself! My mom asked me to go out to lunch with her today which would normally end up in a binge-fest at the Chinese Buffet. She asked me where I wanted to go and although I really wanted Chinese, I told her Applebee's because I knew I could make better choices there. Before I ordered, I checked in my tracking app what my meal would cost me in calories and if I'd have enough with the dinner I had planned. It did but it was tight. I like to be a little low in case I have cravings at night. So I ordered what I really wanted, then changed up my dinner to a lower calorie one.

This is what MFP had to say about my completed log for the day:

 "If every day were like today...You'd weigh 264.8 lbs in 5 weeks!"

I could deal with that.I'm proud that I made good choices today. Instead of coming back from lunch feeling guilty and bloated, I came home feeling accomplished and satisfied. I'll take this feeling any day! 

I'm still not blogging as often as I'd like, but I'm doing well on the rest of it. This is a very good start. 
 

2/12/13

Testing my new signature. Yeah, I got bored with my blog and decided to touch it up a bit. It's still a work in progress but I like it so far.

So, Ive been doing good. I've been counting my calories, drinking my water and taking my vitamins. Go me! I even wanted a Smirnoff tonight, so I made room in my calories for it. No reason to deprive myself when I really want something. This is the way I want to live my life. Doing what I need to be healthy without depriving myself of things I love and want.

This is the last time I'm climbing this damn hill. You hear me?